CARP AND TUNA!
by Cath
Summary: If you think I was whacked when I wrote, "don't ask, a harry potter, sm, and dbz fic" you'll be surprised.


Carp & Tuna  
By: Cath  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any other of those Characters. I do not own the songs from the Lion King or the movie. I do not own pudding pops nor Am I Bill Cosby. I do not own Herbal Essences or the song that Brittany Spears sang. I do not own any tuna OR carp… I only own my whacked out head.   
  
  
The gang was walking down the hallways of Hogwarts, except for Ron. They were coming back from dinner, wondering where Ron has been all day.  
"I'm worried Harry, he has been very isolated lately and, oddly, smelt like fish!" Hermione said. They started to walk up the stairs to their house commen room. They left the great hall early. Everyone was still eating.  
"I know what you mean. Ron is very strange, and that smell of fish can kill in the morning… I mean KILL!"  
They got to the portrait of the fat lady and said the password. When they walked in they got a waft of … fish?  
"RON," Harry Yelled, "YOU IN HERE?"  
All of a sudden, a big huge fish jumped out from the dark shadows! Harry and Hermione held on to each other in fear. Soon they saw it was Ron in a fish costume.  
"THEY HAVE MADE ME THEIR QUEEN!!!" Ron shouted.  
"Wha? Who? Ron, I think you should see Madam Pomfry. You seem oddly ill." Hermione said, very concernly.  
"You got the 'oddly' part right." Harry spoke.  
"NO! The fish made me their queen!"  
"I would keep that quiet if I were you Ron."   
"I agree with Harry. Why don't you get out of that awfully nasty suit and we'll escort you to the hospital wing."  
"T-U-N-A is better that L-S-D" Ron grabbed a cup of some strange liquid and gulped it down. "Whoa dude… DAMN HERMIONE!! YOUR HOT!!" He grabbed a plate of tuna melts on bagels topped with cheese and walked up to Harry and Hermione. "Here, my friends."  
"Nah, Ron. We just ate-"  
"YOU WILL FUCKING EAT IT!" Ron stuffed a whole bagel into Harry's and Hermione's mouths.   
Harry and Hermione passed out on top of each other. Ron had ran and disappeared into the shadows. Lavender and Nevile walked and saw Harry and his friend passed out on the floor and quickly ran for the headmaster.  
  
They awoke some time later, in the hospital wing. It was dark and al they could think about was fish.  
"Hermione? Is this a dream or do I really have an urge to eat salmon?"  
"I have that same urge."  
They got up and started to walk, like their bodies were being controlled. Before they knew it, they were inside their common room. What they saw was utterly a site you wish you could just forget about. Ron was naked except for a loin cloth and paint on his face that made him look like an Indian brave. His head was titles back and his mouth open and hanging about 5 inches away from his mouth, with his hand, was a salmon! Once he heard Hermione and Harry walk in he got up and faced them.  
"Oy! Harry, and lovely Hermione have come to join the brave of the fish in his hour of food consuming goodness." Ron said, like an Indian.  
"Uh, Ron, Where is everyone?" Asked Hermione.  
Continuing in his Indian brave impression, he replied, "After Harry and Hermione fainted, Headmaster got frightened it was You-know-who's doing and got everyone into the Great Hall."  
"RON! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT CRAP YOU GAVE US EARLIER!?!!?" shouted Harry.  
"Tuna."  
"Tuna!? I had tuna before and it NEVER did that to me!"  
"My friend. But it was not 100% Bumblebee Tuna, was it?"  
"I guess not."  
"What about the teachers? Wouldn't they know about this?" Asked Hermione.  
"HECK NO!" shouted Ron. He walked to a closet and opened it to reveal a just HORRID site: It was Professor Snape with long hair and a tie-dye robe on. He had a peace sign on one cheek and a yin-yang on the other. He swayed side to side with his hands up in peace signs. He was grinning and muttering over and over again, "That some shit, that some shit."  
Harry quickly ran to the door and slammed it shut and leaning against it looking shocked. "DUDE!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?! HE IS MEAN BUT NO ONE DESSERVES THAT!!"  
Ron walked up to Harry and stuffed a pudding pop into his mouth, and talked like he was Bill Cosby, "Here Darlin', Have a Puddin' pop!"  
Harry ran over to the Fireplace and spat out the pop. Suddenly the flames exploded and he was thrown back into the wall. When he awoke from his injuries, he saw Ron kissing his dear Hermione! Harry glared at Ron and shot up. The next thing anyone knows was that Harry was choking Ron by the throat.   
A voice suddenly made them stop, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE!?!!?!!?"  
They all stopped and turned their head towards the entrance, where they saw a gurl with long brown hair in long waves and wearing a big green sweatshirt and jean short shorts almost hidden under her sweatshirt. Her arms were crossed and her face stern.  
"You the heck are you?" asked Harry. Hermione would've said it but she was in shock from the kiss.  
"I am Cath. I was the author of this fic until I was on the second sentence when a bunch of pissed off tuna and carp attacked me. I've been hiding in the School's kitchens since."  
"No wonder the meatloaf tasted a little like author." Murmered Harry.  
Hermione finally go out of her shock. "DAMN that was a kiss!! How come you don't kiss like that Harry?"  
Harry Didn't answer.  
"Well anyway, My breath smells like shrimp and I have the urge to eat shrimp and I got the urge to herbal." Suddenly, at that line, Life size shrimp, carp, and tuna burst in and started to wash Hermione's hair, while singing the Brittany Spears song, "I got the urge to Herbal."  
Ron, in all this excitement ran and started to hug Harry. Harry had enough, "CAN"T YOU TURN THIS INSANITY OFF???"  
Cath, now being carried by the fish, replied, "I can't! I don't have control over it anymore!! THE FISH HAS TAKEN OVER!!"  
  
5 minutes later  
  
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
"PASS OUT THE BUTTER BEER!"  
"LAST ONE IN THE POOL IS A ROTTON EGG!"  
"CANON BALL!"  
"HEY WATCH IT HARRY! YOU ALMOST HIT ME!"  
"HEY, YOU WERE IN THE WAY!"  
"WATER FIGHT! EAT MY DUST HERMIONE!"  
"EAT WATER BALLOONS CATH!"  
Ron woke up. He was on a raft in the pool. He quickly sat up and looked shocked and frightened. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????"  
Everyone stopped and looked evilly at Ron.  
"Get the Carp and Tuna ready."  
  
  
  



End file.
